#these wounds are deep so deep
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While I am losing time with writing of you, of us, you are adding once again new people. Feels like the never ending story. Meanwhile my mind is directly split between two possibilities. First 'oh wow seems like he was working late and met some new people/someone new' and the second is 'oh, we haven't seen each other in quite some time so now he's feeling the urge of getting what he wants from somewhere else. One way is going to work at a place where he could meet someone at that time of night, second is hes alone in his bed getting himself of to the women with high potential, girls he came to notice and somehow never seems to forget. Females who are living 'next door', but also the cheapest influencer bitches, oh and sometimes the best of both.. A combination of a wanna be hn influencer with more naked skin shown than fetish clothing on.
#my thoughts of you are sometimes kinda 'polluted'#sadly I wasn't the person who started this pollution#yes it's my brain they are my thoughts I should control them#but the same shit again and again and again until I got asked what is going on and if I know about that#the worst part is actually the amount of times it happened again#my trust got damaged by the first mere 'act' but saying you're gonna stop and doing it anyway broke it#and my heart aswell#I don't trust you anymore when it comes to other females#not at all#when hope and love are gone I guess this is moving on#02:02#I do love you#but you are not you anymore#I am desperatly searching for the man I love in a often familiar strangers face#I don't recognize you at times#and the way you behaved and treated me doesn't help at all#all this pain that was NOT the man I love#these wounds are deep so deep#want to let this pain go#don't know how#but it's so unbelievable hard for me being talking and seeing you when these wounds are a hundred percent active#I don't want to be resentful as fuck towards you#because right now we have to get it together or I don't think we will ever get back what we fulicly (?) damaged to the core#we both need to feel respected heard seen safe secure understood or at least ACCEPTED AND VALIDATED#calm peaceful soft#with a tone of voice that's low and compassionate not judging not angry not blaming#without feeling a hundred percent safe to open up I won't do it#as sad as it is but those last months showed me too often what is to much for me#what drains and damages me enormously
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The dog days are over.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#The childhood flashback is one of my favourite scenes in MDZS and yes I am disapointing myself in how little I am covering it.#If it is any consolation...I'll be bringing JYL's piggyback scene into another comic later on.#There truly is something so specific and yet resonant in the way our bonds as children feel so deep.#But the world doesn't stay as small as it does when you are a kid. The problems you argue about get bigger and more serious.#You still hold so much love for this person despite how much you want to throw hands with them.#To have such a complicated history with someone and then fall apart...You always think you have time to heal the wound.#Why wouldn't you! You've never had anything but time with this person. A brother not in blood but in true and genuine bond.#And then the fucker dies! It's horrible and sudden and the last words you exchanged were cold and awful!#What do you do with those dead end feelings? What do you do but grieve bitterly and angrily?#There is no resolution for all the love you wanted back. There will never be an opportunity to bridge the gap between you.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. Because you thought you had more time.#If anyone dares say Jiang Cheng didn't love WWX I'll be the first to fire up the powerpoint presentation on why he absolutely does.
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I love you Jhes, I donāt care if me in 2018 reading your page and thinking you were an axolotl creature was a misunderstanding on my part. Iām keeping that headcanon / design since we know so little <3
#doctorsiren#gravity falls#jheselbraum the unswerving#stanford pines#bill cipher#gravity falls fanart#traditional art#my art#okay look she told Ford she had been taking care of his wounds while he was unconscious for āquite some timeā#so naturally#big frilly fish mom?#again uh aunt beast from a wrinkle in time#I think sheās probably both terrifying and beautiful. just like a deep ocean creature#Siren Stop Fixating On Minor Characters That Have Little Info About Them (Challenge) (Impossible)
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Stan can be both the saddest sobbing wet beast and the silliest guy. Truly, he has it all
#gravity falls#stanley pines#mullet stan#stan pines#menaarts#gravity falls fanart#you see older stan may be a deep well of saddness but he's had like 30 years for those wounds to scab over#but those wounds are still very fresh in mullet stan#so though he may be silly and try to put up a tough exterior#he's much more emotionally volatile#way less likely to be able to keep the tough exterior together#it's so fun to play with
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There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me
#you guys get me right#like you feel it deep in your chest#the joy the anguish the grief#it feels like words aren't enough#and I don't mean it as in āsad moment in video game makes you sadā#I mean it as in āa deep and well written moment that has been slowly building is fleshed out in a video game and I think about for weeksā#when I say I lose sleep over this game I really mean it#I spend hours just laying in bed thinking about everything that happens in arthur morgan's life#it eats at me#I'm not ashamed of how much I have cried over this game#it fucking gets to me#playing rdr2 is the best form of escapism until the story hits you like a stab in the chest but the blade just pushes in further and further#until you're left with a gaping wound#āwow michael I didn't know you were so emotional over pixels on a screenā#except those pixels were acted out and performed by real people and voiced by real people and designed to look like real people#the game's main target was historic realism emphasis on REALISM#to provoke emotions through amazing storytelling#it's okay to feel strongly about things!!#this game man#this game#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick thinks#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2 spoilers
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Probably the most powerful expression Oda drew on Law because how many times have we seen him so broken and desperate. That's a boy who lost everyone within a single night along with his faith in humanity - spilling out his heart in front of a total stranger just so he can somehow evade re-experiencing this pain:
And this time it struck him worse . Now there's guilt along with grief because he brought the grim reaper to Cora himself.
Vergo is now dead and Doflamingo in Impel Down - but this isn't something you heal from in lifetime.
Years after, same story. Oda struck the same wound again, took away his sword and hat while at it, then left him in salt water.
#so. today marks a year since law was last seen in the manga#I saw the law crying panel on twitter and teared up because theres no way he isn't going through that exact feeling deep inside rn#a devil fruit user. suffocating under water. wounds exposed to salt. exactly what he's going through inside and out#1 am feels#OK feels aside. for law to 'proceed by himself' he needs some words of assurance that his crews aren't dead or captured by BB#since we saw akainu receiving the news - it's possible that HP are arrested and Law will get their updates from newspaper#one piece meta#mine#trafalgar law#trafalgar d. water law#donquixote rosinante#one piece heart pirates#op meta
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Dead Boy Detectives being canceled is still one of the Top 10 Worst Feelings I Have Ever Had, but hey. Could be worse. Guess it could have been canceled on a cliffhanger with the obvious Set(TM) on different planes of existence, not speaking to each other after a desperate kiss
#a lot of really bad things have happened to me i promise#it's not that boohoo a tv show is the worst thing ever check my privilege#but dbda being canceled opened up all those deep ol' wounds#so yeah#dead boy detectives#good omens
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springtrap but he has claws and he slowwwwwly sinks them into youi while holdoing you close purring softly hes not eveb truing ta hurt you on ourpose justtrying ta keep you as close as possible and get you ta stay put for just a few more seconds oohohohhh ohhh hospital hostpital hospital. emergency room hospital
#ooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh'#springtrap w/claws my absolute weakness#ohhh ouhuhhohohohohoooooo#slash me w/them thnits please ohhh oh my gos#spacie spoinks#i want him ta latch on and never let go#aouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh#houaaauuuuuuugh ohhhh#who ami kidding i cant pay for the emergency room bill#urgent care urgent care pjaaaa waiting room in the urgent care#patiently waiting ta be seen in the urgent care while im bleeding all over the seats from springrtap ripping me apart#w/his claws and teeth#there are bite wounds and deep gashes all over me and i am just sitting there really content and springtrap#is embarrassed he did so much damage but also slightly worried#sorry for writing fanfic in the tags i need him so bad and i need 2 be held even more than that#ohhh my god i need 2 fuck him so bad#ohhhh ohhh my godddddd#utgent care urgent care ohhhh calm drive ta the urgent care as i cover the car seats w/my own blood#fuuuck oh my god fuck oh mt god
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Crying, sobbing, throwing up after reading Bill vs Bill and knowing that in the Book of Bill, Bill had parents, a family who loved him. And Familiar!Bill has that again in the form of his Dipper loving him back
Thank you! Familiar!Bill is really doing much better than the baseline version, what with forming one (1) honest emotional connection and all.
I'm pretty pleased with the emotional arc of Bill vs Bill, but if I went back to it? I'd alter some of Bill's weaponized embarrassment to include Book of Bill details. It'd just hit so much harder.
#answers#We were truly blessed with so much material from Book of Bill#There's so much stuff that Familiar Bill could have used once things got really rough to TRULY hammer things home#One recitation of Cipher Cipher he's insane/starting fires with his brain#And Other Bill would instantly start sweating#Cause if Familiar Bill is dredging up THAT old of a memory to throw him off his game#Then he's REALLY bringing out the big guns#Dipper's still there of course#Standing at the sidelines and boggling at some REAL deep lore he never knew existed#The ego fight was invisible to his eyes but just imagine#Other Bill cackling because his opponent is equally matched but already wounded in the swordfight#Only for Familiar Bill to strike a match and hold it near the fuse of a giant TNT barrel labeled 'pre-Euclidean Massacre memories'#Other Bill all like you wouldn't fucking dare. You'd kill us both!#And the response 'Just try me'#Familiar!Bill would if asked proclaim that he's just that much better at bluffing#That coward crumpled under pressure! What a loser!#He shoulda been smarter. Obviously Bill would never ACTUALLY go through with that. Ha!#When really the only reason he was ABLE to make the threat#Is because deep-down. A part of him trusts Dipper to catch him if he falls#Bill is a consummate liar
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So I have a question about Arloās powers that you might have the answer to
Do you know what the bleeding is all about? Like when he starts coughing up blood after his barrier breaks. Does he just like straight up start bleeding internally or something?
Anyway I love this blog sm you are giving me the unO content I crave
Ah, thank you! Yes, I absolutely have the answer. In fact, Iām going to take this opportunity to make a post that was already floating in my head.
Arlo and Recoil Damage
First, to answer your question in a literal sense, yes. Itās definitely internal bleeding. Specifically, damage to his lungs.
Itās also not at all unprecedented for a person to be wounded like this. Every person with a conjuring type ability takes damage when their conjures are damaged.
(Rein in ch. 16)
(Cecile attacking Arlo, ch. 109)
The difference with Arlo, is that his damage happens below the skin. Hereās where it gets juicy.
Symbolism
Arloās ability is very symbolic, possibly the most so of anyone in the series. His nigh unbreakable barrier he puts around himself represents his metaphorical walls, and how he keeps everyone at a distance. His passive makes him invulnerableā he gets punched in the face, clawed at, stabbed at, etc, and doesnāt even blink. The only way to hurt Arlo is to break through his barrier. And when his walls are broken down, thereās a wound in his chest. Itās not literal enough to be his heart that bleeds, but itās very close.
Thereās also something thatās been kicking around in my head for awhileā
āYouāre the strongest one out of all of us here right now. You can try to brush this whole thing off... but to the rest of us, itās still scary. If even you canāt protect yourself, what can the rest of us do?ā ā Remi, Ep. 61.
I remembered the line being āWhen people as strong as you show fear, it scares the rest of us.ā However, that must have come from a different scene and I wonāt track it down.
Itās plain and simple: High tiers have been taught their whole lives to bottle things up.
This is also seen reflected in Seraphinaā
(ep. 20) Granted, the circumstances here are very different, but itās a similar idea. High tiers showing emotions scares people.
So they bottle them up...
ā¦ until they explode.
(Ep. 106)
The judgment Arlo and Seraphina face is very similar. Seraphina rejects these expectations before the story starts, but Arlo has yet to do so. He is very much like the Seraphina we see in flashbacks.
All of this is to say: it is significant that his barrier wounds are internal. The little bit of blood we can see is mainly there so the audience knows heās injuredā but otherwise? Barrier cracks arenāt an injury that people can really see. Recoil damage is typically reflected as scratches, so his internal wounds are both unique, and symbolic of the way he hides his feelings.
#analysis#arlo unordinary#ask#asks#i forget which tag I usually use#Ability discussion#UnOrdinary#You asked this question to the right person!#Ive done lots of thinking about the barrier cracks#and how Elaine and John are probably the only ones who know the extent of it/exactly what the cracks do#He is always so composed and never lets on anything#and his wounds are buried deep inside hidden from sight#ābetrayed only by the blood he coughs up#ARGHH it makes me insane#Especially when I think about how he stays calm when he talks about Reiā¦#Unordinary is a masterpiece yall
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this feels like ive been shot in the arm the fact that hyunjin wanted to cover the moonlight which usually has soft, comforting connotations, like even the gentle light was too much for him at the time and he wanted someone warm to be there with him please hold me
#im wounded im laying on my bed staring at the ceiling#i cant#my baby#like i dont think ive ever read about someone wanting to cover the moonlight#usually itās wanting it to filter in like a flicker of hope in the darkest night#im not talking specifically about hyunjin here but this concept is so fascinating to me#like are the shadows too strong that the moon pales in comparison to them#or is it because u are too deep in ur despair that u dont want to see the light and be reminded of what u wish for yet cannot grasp#so instead heās asking for a person to be there in the darkness with him#not telling him itād be better just sitting there and existing with him#HYUNJINāS MIND IS SO FASCINATING TO ME I NEED TO KNOW#i need a 5 hours long convo with this man about his songs alone ššš
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My cleaver wound is pretty healed now, the skin knit back together pretty quickly. Looks like taking proper care actually DOES make things heal better, who would have guessed?? Anyways it's healed just in time for me to do it again for Sunday Hotpot
#i whacked my fingertip with a cleaver on monday l#it wasnt a deep wound but it was at an angle#so i wasnt sure if the skin flap would knit back together
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Okay as a distraction from my previous post, I'm going to do another analysis. Yay! This time we'll be covering another video game, but this isn't actually a horror like the previous posts, so untense your shoulders. Today I'm going to be talking about Yinu, from No Straight Roads, from the perspective of an ex child prodigy.
No Straight Roads is a vastly underrated game, so I'll give a brief introduction. The game focuses on protagonists Mayday and Zuke, two members of a rock band who go on a mission to take down their oppressive EDM based government, NSR, and reintroduce rock to the city. The plot sounds simple enough, but the layers go incredibly deep, so I highly recommend playing/watching the game for yourself to form your own thoughts about it's complex messages. Obviously, spoilers ahead.
Now NSR is made up of 6 EDM artists who power the city. But one particular artist greatly stands out from the rest. This artist is Yinu.
Yinu is by far the youngest of the artists, for starters, at only 9 years old. She's a child prodigy, and at this young age, she's already won many awards for her music and gained a massive following. But unlike the other artists, Yinu isn't actually an EDM artist. She's a classical artist, who's skills are in piano. Now this usually wouldn't matter, but when she's one of the EDM based leaders, it's immediately a bit odd how she herself isn't an EDM artist.
We'll come back to this. Now, Yinu, as mentioned, is a child prodigy. She was taught from a young age to play piano by her father, and quickly mastered the art. But when her father grew ill and passed away, it was just her and her mother left, with Yinu inheriting his beloved piano. As she continued to play in his honour, her skill began to grow, and so did the attention she received. She quickly became a celebrity, and her mother used this as a distraction from their shared sadness.
By feeding the fans and the attention, Yinu's mother developed an unhealthy coping mechanism. She began to lose sight of what the piano meant to them. And I expect, so did Yinu. It's a very common thing, when your hobby becomes a job, it just loses it's fun, and is no longer a luxury to do. More a necessity. It's never said explicitly, but I interpreted this phenomenon to have a strong effect. Yinu played because it was a job, and what her mother wanted. Her mother became blind to her daughter's struggles, as she never really noticed the fact Yinu didn't want to play for other people, but for herself, and her father's memory. This is shown through her eyes becoming white and cloudy during the battle, while Yinu's stay the same.
I may be projecting. I was actually a child prodigy myself. I had a knack for my writing, and it was my greatest passion. My interactive imagination kept me distracted from the war my parents were fighting against each other. As a kid, I was never really their child. I was a weapon. A way for them to get at each other. I'd trail between houses, passing on messages and information they could use to slander one another, and I was rewarded for doing so by being shoved out the way and left to do what I wanted, while they paid no attention.
I used my imagination, my worlds, my characters, to escape my reality. To keep me company in my depressing solitude. To avoid forgetting them, I began to write them down. This was what got me the attention I so desperately craved. By 10 years old, only a year older than Yinu, I had published my first book in my local town. Finally, my parents were proud of me, so I kept going. I wrote until my hands were sore and fragile with blisters. I wrote until every page of my notebook was fuzzy from correcting my spellings.
It wasn't an escape anymore. It was a necessity. Something I had to do in order to be recognised. It wasn't fun anymore. It was no longer a way out.
As I got older, I began to matter less. I wasn't a smart child anymore. I was just a Person. I wasn't Somebody, I was just... Anybody. I found my parents stopped caring when I lost that spark again, and this time, I didn't get attention when I tried fixing that.
I see my own struggles in Yinu. The song she plays starts simple, and slow. Relaxed and full of passion. She finds herself completely in her element. But when her mother gets involved, her playing becomes more desperate. It gets faster and more tense, as her mother doesn't even consider putting her aside. A parent's normal reaction to her child being physically attacked by two adults would be to take the child away from the situation and make sure they're okay, but Yinu's mother just lifts her up, and tells her to keep playing.
Yinu obliges, and plays more determined than before, like she's terrified of letting her mother down. She constantly assures herself under her breath, and repeatedly mutters reminders to herself to keep her fingers curved as she focuses. In the next phase, Yinu and her mother have been repeatedly hit and injured, yet her mother still doesn't remove Yinu from the situation. Instead of being mad at the attackers for hurting her daughter, she yells at them for ruining her performance, as if that's the more important thing here. She destroys the walls around them, outraged, and orders Yinu to play even harder.
The song gets incredibly intense here, and it's here that you notice the piano fading out. At the start of the song, it was purely piano playing. But by this time, the piano is playing alongside EDM music, at just around the same volume. In the next phase, Yinu is knocked to the ground from a great height, and calls to her mother to catch her. But... she doesn't. She isn't caught, and alongside her piano, she crashes to the ground. Her mother doesn't even notice she's fallen and is hurt. She just completely ignores Yinu's cries, and focuses entirely on the destruction of the concert.
The song is almost completely EDM now. Yinu is out of frame, and it's the mother you're battling at the end. And even as Yinu sits alone on the ground, without looking at her at all, her mother just tells her not to stop playing no matter what. But despite Yinu's continued efforts, the piano barely shines through the techno anymore.
I should also mention the visuals. At the start of the fight, Yinu's mother was completely out of sight. Then, she poked her arm out of the curtain at the back of the stage to lift Yinu's piano out of range, but she remained out of sight. The curtain then gets moved, and she is now fully visible, but still further back in the dark than Yinu. After she rages and destroys the hall, she is very clear and visible, taking up a lot of the battlefield while Yinu is mostly out of frame of the camera. In the final phase, Yinu is no longer there, and her mother has completely taken over the battlefield.
First phase
Final phase
After defeating Yinu's mother, Mayday and Zuke prepare to celebrate their victory. But... they're interrupted. By Yinu, the one everyone involved forgot was part of this battle. She knocks the two off the giant rose they were standing on, and also probably their high horse. She's muddy, injured, roughed up, and still, her mother never asks her if she's okay. She doesn't even praise her for knocking them down by herself. She goes to nearly acknowledge it, saying "Yinu, my dear, you got them!", but that isn't actually praise. It's a mere acknowledgement, which she thinks is enough. And after saying that, she once again orders Yinu to play for her.
To which Yinu completely breaks. She finally loses her patience and just snaps, screaming that she hates them all, while slamming the piano keys in a burst of anger to triple the speed of before. But her outrage is still in beat. She still plays her song for her mother.
When our main characters get back up to her, and recklessly knock down the rose, Yinu plummets near to her death. She clings desperately to her piano, the one thing she has left of her father, but ultimately cannot hang on, and while she's protected from the fall by her mother, the piano is not, smashing into pieces as it hits the ground. And while she solemnly mourns this valuable part of who she is as a person, her mother STILL doesn't acknowledge it. She moves past Yinu and goes straight to yelling at Mayday and Zuke again, ready for another round of fighting without even checking on her daughter.
But Yinu stays strong. For herself, for her father, and for her mother. She feels she's the only one who can. And even when her piano is in pieces, her concert hall is destroyed, her appearance is tattered, and her injuries are stinging, she plays on. She just sits there. And keeps playing the song. Slow, and sad, like she's completely burnt out. But feels she's not allowed to quit, or she'll be letting her mother down.
This is when we cut back to the EDM detail. Because Yinu is not an EDM artist. The EDM, the unbearable fame, the place in government... it's all her mother. The EDM starts when her mother joins, and completely takes over when Yinu is no longer part of the battle. Only at the end does the piano come back, as Yinu steals back her own song from her mother's hands, and plays her classical music her style, with the Rock/EDM metre spiralling out of control, as the music now is neither of those genres. It is 100%, completely authentic, Yinu.
Holy shit. This whole sequence hits hard. From the desperate attempts to please her mother, putting up with the demands to keep playing no matter how hurt or stressed she is, only to break down and immediately get punished for it, and sadly go back to what she was doing before, because her rebellion resulted in her most treasured possession getting destroyed? Yinu is an incredibly tragic character. No child should have to put up with the grief, the pressure, the stress, and the burnout that she feels.
The activity that bonded her and her late father ended up being what ultimately hurts her, all because her mother couldn't process her own grief in her own way, and put her daughter at major risk because it stopped the hurting, instead of actually sitting down and talking with Yinu about the mourning and pain they both feel in their hearts.
I wish I'd had exactly what I want for Yinu. I wish my parents had talked to me about their separation. I wish they had figured out their issues and stopped feeling so angry at each other all the time, so they could live their separate lives in peace. I wish they had kept me out of their hatred for one another. I wish they had treated me like their child. I wish they'd loved me more than they hated each other. But they didn't. And I ended up alone, sadly writing this post, in the same way Yinu ended up sadly playing what's left of her piano in the ruins of her once polished, sparkling concert hall.
https://youtu.be/s1BEh5gZ90k?feature=shared
Here's a link to the song Yinu plays throughout the battle. Take a listen for yourself, and you'll see what I mean by the intensity growing, as the EDM takes over the classical more and more.
#this uhhh got very personal#ironically I think the first non horror analysis wound up being the darkest one#I love No Straight Roads so much y'all#it's such a complex and beautiful game#with incredible attention to detail#deep and interesting characters#a stellar soundtrack#and genuinely really excellent humour#I highly recommend checking it out#long post#no straight roads#nsr#nsr yinu#yinu#natura#tw trauma#tw abuse mention#personal rambles
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#I wanted to draw something fluffeyyyyy and this came out#if I had to put a name on this drawing it would be āsafe. homeā because thatās how he feels when heās in his arms#ANYWAYS. I like to give Vincent sort of corpse like details#Heās always covered from chin to toe but under those clothes he doesnāt only have the scars from everything Hojo and Lucretia did to him#while dead and then after he was revived. I mentioned he was enhanced and to make a SOLDIER scar isā¦well not a simple feat but Vincent is#his own kind of enhanced. Heās not like SOLDIER. He had three demons and a god-like WEAPON sealed in him so yeah.#Anyways i suppose that the first things you would notice would be the red under his eyes that looks a bit purple the more nights he spends#awake. It would give him sort of an aerie look that makes him even prettier but then thereās his hands and feet. the nails would look#blue-ish and one of his arms is terribly mangled and sort of monstrous/dead looking i supposed it was cut off and it regenerated like that#because of Chaos and company. then thereās the scars from where Hojo and Lu tore him open like a corpse and looked around his brain#cuts lacerations deep wounds they would heal normal that is why often he decides to act as a human shield for AVALANCHE if he doesnāt have#time to conjure a SHIELD to Cidās dismay. Often if the wound is life threatening a limit break will take over and he will heal good as#new or well as he is now ha.#vincent valentine#cid highwind#valenwind#ffvii#i just love them#Cid would often cling to him if Vincent doesnāt do that first#OHHH another hc! Cid snores Vincent doesnāt BUT his lungs are not normal now so you can hear his breathing when he sleeps deeply also his#throat was cut open at some point so his vocal chords were cut and his voice sounds a bit deeper than it did before
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in my you're on your own kid era again (I never left)
#babes i will do what i know best which is to write. study. pray. breathe.#lol you'd think after having a mental breakdown two days ago i'd be more settled in what to do#but it turns out there are many ways your heart can break!#and part of it is. yes. i know i'm stupid and have a horribly soft heart that is so so susceptible to being won over#and i AM aware that i easily love people (in a general sense) it is not hard for me to see beauty in someone and love them#because i catch a glimpse of or recognize goodness truth beauty kindness loveliness gentleness in them and it moves me deeply#i am very easily moved deeply i know this!! and i wish it weren't so sometimes#but anywayssssss insert all the things you know the routine i should've been wiser i should've been more careful#i wanted to know about him i wanted him to find me delightful and insightful and courageous and interesting#i wanted to make him laugh somehow or at least smile i wanted to see that joy of his up close#i saw a deep startling warming light in him and i wanted to draw closer#etc etc etc anywayyyyyy anyway#petrarch: Love found me all disarmed and saw the way / was clear to reach my heart down through the eyes#which have become the halls and doors of tears. / it seems to me it did him little honor / to wound me with his arrow in my state#/and to you armed not show his bow at all" etc etc you know the drill#insert ALL the things. standard stuff. i would have loved you i would have treated you tenderly i would have simply rejoiced to be near you#all of that ish and more. anyways back to real life lol i'd love to experience a love that doesn't feel like death someday#healing girl era summer '24
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really obsessed with soulmate auās recently and it got me thinkingā¦ what if johnās soulmate was part of the boys? a girl trying to kill him with an entire group of people also trying to kill himā¦ and heās fated to her? could picture him finding out and just putting his hands on his hips while turning his back to her and doing that click chuckle thing. just in utter disbelief but it is definitely on track for fateās little play with him and his life lolol
Oohhh, you know, I've never played much with the soulmate au concept, but this struck me just right because I can so clearly see the slow, building meltdown that strikes him when that reveal drops.
The mirthless laugh, shaking his head, the hapless gesture to the ceiling before his hands drop. "Of course. Of course it's you. Why wouldn't it be? I meanāChrist, it makes sense, doesn't it? Every single person who was supposed to love me has-has fucked it, so whyā" he keeps cutting into this escalating, unsettling laughter. There's nothing funny about it: you're sure that you're watching someone lose the last shred of their sanity in real time. "Why would my 'soulmate'-", he says, miming big, dramatic quotation marks. "-be any different?" That manic grin has shifted into tight baring of his teeth, a vicious sneer. He closes in on you, stands so near you can feel the heat of his breath when he hisses, "I should put you in the fucking dirt with the rest of them."
It should be terrifying, but it's hard to focus on anything other than the glassiness of his eyes. The sheer devastating heartbreak of it all, telegraphed clear as day in the way he carries himself. His eyes flare red, sizzling up the tears before they can fall. "And then you really will be all alone," you say. Maybe it's the hopelessness of the moment, maybe it's the shock of learning for yourself that he's supposed to be your one and only, but you feel numb. Frayed in a way you didn't know you could be. The crimson light of his eyes disappears in an instant, revealing surprise, followed by a wounded kind of look, before that familiar seething rage returns. "We'll see about that."
#oh man i could get carried away with this real easy#i did here lbr#i guess it's up to the author just how connected soulmates are and how that kind of reveal happens#idk i'm a baby to the genre#but it would be very fun to write a situation where HL wants to strangle them just as much as he wants to snuggle up in their lap#they're at odds in every conceivable way but there is this soul deep pull to one another#coming to terms with the fact passion is the root of BOTH hatred and love#also the idea that HL was sincerely holding out hope all this time that his One Perfect Person was out there waiting for him wounds ME#only to be struck down by the realization that oh they ALSO want him dead#aaaaaaAAAAAAA#i'm sorry i'm so rambly today lmao thank you for the ask!!! i'm gonna have brain worms all day#darling anon#ask and you shall receive#homelander x reader#homelander x you#soulmate au#my writing
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